How Cashier Work Money Drawer Pulls
A 55 year old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to a temple !!!!
Everyone was curious and asked her: "why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?"
The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: "Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel with each other my Daughter-in-law always asks my son : - "If your mom and I fall into water, whom will y...
An old lady is sitting with her doctor
"I've been having the most terrible flatulence, doctor. I just can't stop passing gas. Luckily, they're silent and they don't smell at all. Why, you couldn't tell but I've farted at least five or six times in the few minutes I've been here with you."
The doctor pulled out his prescription pad...
A 60 years old lady was standing next to the railing on a cruise ship.
She was using both hands to hold her hat onto her head so it wouldn't blow away....
A gentleman approached the lady and said .....
"Ma'am, ....
I am sorry to bother you but the wind is blowing your dress up"....
The lady replied, ......
"Sir, if ...
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An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas.
Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't k...
Three old ladies playing a round of bridge
The first old lady says, "You know, I'm really starting to lose my memory these days. The other day I went into the kitchen and forgot why I went."
The second old lady shakes her head, "That's nothing. The other day I went down the stairs and stopped halfway because I didn't know why I was ...
A nice old lady gives a bus driver some nuts…
A nice old lady on a bus offers the bus driver some peanuts, the driver happily eats them.
Every five minutes the old lady hands the driver a handful of nuts, eventually he asks:
"Why don't you eat them yourself?"
To which the old lady replies
"I don't have any teeth, look"
A general, an officer, an old lady, and an attractive young woman all board a train together.
As they ride along they go in a dark tunnel and can't see anything. Suddenly, they hear a quick smooch followed by a loud smack!
The old lady thinks, "that young girl has some fine morals, smacking a man for trying to steal a kiss."
The young woman thinks, "how odd, the general tried t...
An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life...
...when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.''
*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a...
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A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital
She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I can, what's the name and room number?"
The old laday in her weak voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check wi...
An old lady in a nursing home approaches an old man in the rec room...
She says "Hey there stranger! I'll bet ya 50 big ones I can tell ya how old you are to the month!
"You're on!" he responds.
"Aright, I'm gonna need ya to pull down your trousers." Confused, but not wanting to lose the bet, he does so. She then proceeds to poke & prod at his thighs...
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Never Trust an Old Lady
An old lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Old Lady: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Old Lady: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Old Lady: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one? ...
I was at the bank yesterday, and an old lady asked me to help her check her balance...
Spent the night in jail for elder abuse for pushing her down.
An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad.
Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died.
Until then, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued.
"You must take the loyalty oa...
A letter an 83-year-old lady wrote to her grandson.
My dear grandson,
Some days ago, I experienced something wonderful, which I want to share with you.
I went to a religious shop and found a car sticker saying: "Honk if you love God!"
I decided to buy it and stick it on the bumper of my car.
When I went away, I was...
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Old lady in a bus
OL: stop the bus. I need to poop.
BD: gran, I can't stop the bus. We're 30 mins to a rest stop. Hold it in. It's just your imagination.
OL: really, stop the bus. It's peaking.
BD: it's just your imagination.
5 mins later, BD stopped the bus as he smelled something awful.
BD: gran, did...
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One day, a good-looking door-to-door seller knocks on the old lady's house and is offering the "world's best" vacuum cleaner...
He runs into the middle of the living room and bursts a cow dung on the floor.
"Madam", he says, "I swear to god, if I won't be able to clean the shit out of the carpet in 2 minutes, I will personally eat it".
The lady just smiles: "I hope you are hungry. The power is out since morni...
Old lady gets into a Merzedes-Benz taxi cab
As she hops in, the driver asks her where she's going. She gives him an adress, as she's just arrived to town to visit family.
They keep going for a bit, when the old lady notices the very characteristic Mercedes-Benz ornament emblem mounted on the hood.
"So what is that thing for?" s...
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I saw a naked old lady
I said "You look foxy."
She said "Do you really think so?"
I said "Yes, their titties are on their stomachs too!"
Saw an old lady sitting alone in her front yard; in a canoe. I thought to myself...
Now there's someone who could use a good paddle.
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An old lady walks into a sex shop
An old lady walks into a sex shop. She looks around, and looks around, and keeps looking.
Eventually she tells the clerk: "show me that red one"
He replies: "that's the fire extinguisher"
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The Old Lady and the Gentleman-for-Hire
The Old Lady and the Gentleman-for-Hire
A little old lady checked into a motel on her 70th birthday, but she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in the phone books for escorts and sensual massages."
She looked through the phone book, found a fu...
One Sunday morning, an old lady headed to church late..
... because she couldn't find her hearing aid.
As she was late and did not want to be noticed, she sat in the back, next to a teenager.
The pastor began his preach. To have an example for what he was preaching, he asked, "Everyone who has committed the sin of adultery, stand up." The old ...
A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger...
The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!"
Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.
"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says. ...
An old lady always travels the same route on a bus. Over time, she became friendly with the driver and she'd always bring him a nice little bag of peanuts.
The bus driver was enjoying the nuts at first, but after a few days he said to the lady, "Come on, Mrs. Bilker, it's really nice of you and I'm loving the peanuts, but please stop bringing me so much. Have some for yourself."
"Ah, no bother young man," laughs the old lady, "I don't have my te...
A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding on a highway. He asks for her driver's license and registration.
When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit.
He asks, "Ma'am, do you have a weapon in your possession at this time?"
She responds "I'll bet you $100 you can't guess the answer to that question" as she slaps a crisp bill on her dashboard.
The cop rubs his chin an...
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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...
She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on itallian bread, make with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, "Hows the sa...
In a small town there was a poor Christian old lady. She was always asking the God to bring her groceries. One day her not Christian neighbor went out and secretly bought the lady groceries…
As the lady saw the groceries she rejoiced and thanked the lord. The neighbor was fed up and told the old lady that God did not bring her groceries he did. She yelled thank you Lord for bringing me groceries and making the devil pay for them.
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The Old Lady Who Makes Bets
A little old lady went into the headquarters of the Bank of America one day, carrying a large bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because "It's a lot of money!"
The receptionist objected, stating, "You can't just wa...
An old lady goes to visit her husband in his new care- home.
She asks the nurse at the desk "How is my husband settling in?"
The nurse sighs "Oh, he's like a fish out of water."
"Oh no, in what way?" The concerned lady asks.
"He's dead." replies the nurse.
The Little Old Lady.
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic
garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in
awhile, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20
bills falling Out of that...
Nurse talking to an old lady in hospital.
Nurse: Have you ever been bed ridden before.?
Old Lady: Yes, quite a few times, but I prefer it
bent over my walking frame.
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What you call the hair between an old lady's Tits?
Her pussy
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A man named Ted moved into an apartment building and was invited to have dinner by the old lady next door.
He arrives and is introduced to her beloved cat Sadie and then they sit down to eat.
A few minutes into the meal Ted starts feeling rather gassy. He holds it as long as he can but finally lets out a teeny fart.
Before he can apologize the old lady yells out "Sadie!" and tells her cat t...
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A Cop Pulls a Little Old Lady Over for Speeding
Cop pulls over a little old lady and asks for her licence and registration. When she pulls out her wallet, he sees a handgun in her purse.
"Ma'am, is that a gun in your purse?"
"Yes, Officer, it's a .38 Smith & Wesson revolver."
"Please place that purse on the passenge...
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How do you get an old lady to say fuck?
Have another old lady yell BINGO!!
An old lady in her deathbed calls her husband for something important
"George, I want you to go in the attic and open the third drawer of the black polished furniture.
I want you to bring me what you find there."
The husband goes upstairs in the attic and finds the furniture near the entrance, he opens the third drawer and finds an egg box with 3 eggs in it,...
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A little old lady
A little old lady with blue hair entered the sex shop and asked in a quivering voice, "Yy-youuuung man, dd-do y-you, sell-l d-didildoes h-hhhere?"
The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady's appearance in his shop answered, "Uh, yes ma'am, we do."
The little lady, holdi...
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Once a man, knocked on a door and an old lady opened the door. Without a word the man went in took a lot of cow dung from his bag and threw on the carpet. "You see , I have a wonder vaccum cleaner with me here, if this doesn't work I'll eat every piece of that dung" he said.
"Do you want tomato ketchup with it ? " The lady asked. "Cause you see, we still don't have electricity in this house"
An old lady wanted to withdraw money from a bank
This old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said "I would like to withdraw £10". The teller told her "for withdrawals less than £100, please use the ATM.
The old lady wanted to know why... The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her "these are the rules, please leave if ...
In church I heard an old lady saying a prayer
It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you:-
"Dear Lord,
This has been a tough couple of years.
You have taken my favourite actor Patrick Swayze.
My favourite pop singer Michael Jackson.
My favourite Blues artist BB King.
My favourite actress Elizabeth Taylor.
An old lady walks into a brothel
An old lady walks into a brothel looking to pay for some old fashioned good times. The clerk at the desk says they offer three rooms for service.
The first room is just a cement floor for 25$
The second room has a normal bed for 50$
The third room has a waterbed for 100$
After thin...
Two old ladies were sitting at a bus stop smoking cigarettes...
Suddenly it begins to rain. Old lady #1 pulls a condom out of her purse and slips it over her cigarette and continues smoking. Impressed, old lady #2 says, "Whad'ya call that thing and where can I get one?" "You mean this cigarette cover? I get mine down at the pharmacy," Says old lady #1.
So...
An old lady walked into dentist's office
And took off all her clothes, and spread her legs.
.
Dentist said, "I think you are in wrong room."
.
"You put in my husband's teeth last week",
She replied."Now you have to remove them."
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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.
Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness.
On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, "I bet...
(Not mine) A man in a trench coat walks up to three old ladies sitting on a park bench
He opens up his coat at them, the first old lady had a stroke, the second old lady had a stroke, the third old lady absolutely refused to touch it.
A man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him...
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease, it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay".
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Goodbye Mum" as I leave the store, it would ...
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An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys's penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another woman holding his penis.
"What's she got that I don't have" she says. He looks up with a large smile on his face and replies "Parkinson's"
"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.'
So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.
A little old lady is late for work
And settles into a pew at the back just as the priest is saying "And anyone who has recently committed adultery should stand up." Being somewhat hard of hearing, she asks the boy next to her to repeat what the priest just said. "He asked everyone who wants a mint to stand up." The boy replied mischi...
An eighty-six year old lady was being interviewed by the quizmaster on TV...
quizmaster: "You look wonderful."
old lady: "Yes...I've never had a sick day in my life."
quizmaster: "I'm astonished! You've never been bedridden even once?"
ཀ
old lady: "Oh, many times. And three times in the haystack."
Old lady sees a news report and calls her husband's cell-phone
"Honey", she says, "You need to be careful. I just saw that there is a maniac driving the wrong way on the freeway"
Husband replies, "A maniac?! There's not just one- there are hundreds of them!!!!!"
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An old lady was on her death bed
She asked her sister to bring the best sculptor in town, and asked him to carve a headstone for her grave, in beautiful lettering, reading "Born Virgin, Lived Virgin, Died Virgin".
The artist promises her, but after her death he finds out her sister wants to pay just $ 250 for the work. He a...
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The moonshine, the pitbull & the old lady.
John walks into a bar. As he orders a beer he sees a jar filled with 100$ bills on the counter. The bartender tells him that in order to win the jar of money, he has to complete 3 challenges, but the entry fee is 100$.
After some thinking, he decides to enter the contest. The bartender t...
Watch out for little old lady drivers
Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car
over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the f...
A cop pulls over a old lady for running a stop sign at an intersection.
As he approaches the car he notices 6 penguins in the back seat of her car. She rolls down the window and the cop says "Ma'am I pulled you over because you ran that stop sign back there, but now that I am here I have to say, you cant just be driving around with these penguins in your car. You shou...
On my first day working at a bank an old lady walked in and asked if I could help her check her balance.
I said, "Ma'am, are you sure?"
She replied, "Yes if you don't mind."
So I gave her a slight push and she tipped right over.
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A little old lady was sitting on a park bench when I approached her, opened my raincoat and exposed myself to her. "Hello!" I grinned, pointing to my genitals, "do you know what this is?"
She adjusted her glasses, squinted for a moment and said, "Yes! It looks just like a penis -- only *much* smaller."
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One man is walking a tightrope. Another is getting a blow job from a 90 year old lady.
Both have the same thought at the same time. What is it?
Don't look down.
I saw a poor old lady fall in the street today.
Well I'm assuming she's poor, she only had $1 in her purse.
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A sweet, little old lady walks into a bar frequented by the baddest biker gang around.
She walks up to the leader, a real mountain of a man, and say she wants to join. He can barely contain his laughter, and decides to have some fun with her before he tells her off.
"Do you even own a bike?" he asks.
"I do. It's parked right outside."
"Do you swear?"
"More ...
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A little old lady
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop.
Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.
Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk, "Dooo ...
Two guys are playing cards in a nursing home when a naked old lady with a walker goes streaking
One guy says, "what was that?"
The other guy responds, "I don't know, but it needed ironing!"
Why was the old lady kicked off the baseball team?
She swallowed a fly.
I gave my seat to an old lady
I gave my Seat to an old lady in the bus and next day I lost my job as a driver.
A copy pulls over an old lady driving very slowly on the highway...
...and sees three other old ladies in the car, all of whom are terrified.
Cop: I pulled you over because you were driving 35 miles per hour on the highway.
Old Lady: Well, that's because the speed limit is 35.
Cop: No, this is HIGHWAY 35. The speed limit is 65. By the way, why ...
On my jog today, I saw this little old lady talking to her cat. From her hand gestures and body language it was clear she thought the cat understood her. I hope I never get that lonely and senile.
Anyway...I went home and told my dog about her. We laughed and laughed..
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A cop spots an old lady carrying two big sacks.
One of the the sacks is leaking $20 bills, so the cop asks her where she got all that money.
She said "There's a golf course behind my house, and when men have to pee they stick their penises though a hole in my fence and do their business all over my flowers."
"So what did you do?" as...
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Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall
Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a Flower Show was in progress. One leaned over and said to the other, "Life is so darned boring, we never have any fun anymore. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid Flower Show!"
...
An old lady is at tea and her host asks "Would you care for a slice of cold pressed ox tongue?"
"Oh no," shudders the old lady, "I couldn't eat something that came out of an animal's mouth! Just an egg, please."
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What does a 70 year old lady have between her breasts that a 20 year old lady doesn't have?
Her bellybutton.
A bus load of Senior citizens were traveling to a casino. Halfway into the trip, a little old lady walked up to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus.
The driver told her he would check it out at the Casino. So she went back to her seat and sat down. Five minutes later a second little old lady walked to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus ... Since this was the second complaint in five minutes, he thought he had ...
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An old lady is rolling up and down the halls of the nursin home in her wheelchair making sounds like a car. VROOM VROOM!
An old man jumps out of his room and says "Ma'am you were speeding. License and registration please." She digs around in her purse, pulls out a candy wrapper and gives it to him. He looks it over, hands it back and sends her on her way with a warning.
The old lady is rolling up and down the h...
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Old ladies
Two old ladies were sitting outside a pharmacy smoke a cigarette when it starts to rain. One old lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a condom, snips the tip off, slides it over her cigarette and continues smoking. The other old lady looks shocked and says, "I'm gonna have to try that."
So ...
A poor old lady was forced to sell her valuables to avoid eviction.
As she rummaged through her dusty belongings, she came across a dull copper kettle. Intrigued by it's possible value the old woman dusted it off and BAM! A genie erupted from its neck.
The genie says "I have seen your plights, and will grant you three wishes."
The woman, astounded, t...
An old lady goes to a dentist, lies on his table, drops her panties and stretches her legs
The dentist says "I'm not a gynecologist." She says "I know, I need my husband's teeth back."
Did you hear about the old lady who fell into the well?
Apparently, she left her glasses at home and couldn't see that well.
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.
"He's a funeral dir...
Old lady walks into a pharmacy while shaking vigorously and breathing heavily.
Old lady: Excuse me?
Pharmacist: yes? How can i help you?
Old lady: Do you have a XXL Super Large vibrator with alkaline batteries?
Pharmacist: yes, we do.
Old lady: For gods sake, tell me how to turn it of!
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[NSFW] What does old lady pussy taste like?
Depends...
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The Little Old Lady At Service (not mine)
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs. Jones?" "Are you not willing to forgive your enemie...
An old lady went to visit her dentist.
When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs.
The dentist said, "Excuse me, but I'm not a gynecologist."
"I know," said the old lady. "I want you to take my husband's teeth out."
A cop is speeding on the highway when he notices in his rear view mirror that he is being followed by an old lady.
Going over 100 mph, he realizes the civilian's car is going way too fast and needs to slow down. The cop begins to decelerate and the car follows suit. Eventually, the cop pulls over and the car pulls over as well. An old lady comes out of the car and stumbles up to the cop's window, almost tripping...
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answered the door.
She proclaimed, "I want to join your biker club." The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join.
I saw an old lady being mugged by several men while walking home today, I figured I better go and help!
She was a tough old broad but in the end we got her purse.
A little old lady sold pretzels on the corner for fifty cents each
A little old lady sold pretzels on the street corner for fifty cents each. Every day, a young lawyer would exit his office building at lunch, and as he passed her pretzel stand, he'd leave two quarters. However, he never took a pretzel.
This went on for nearly five years.
Even though ...
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What do you call a joke about an old lady's boobs?
A knee slapper.
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A little old lady gets pulled over for speeding...
The officer walks up to the car and after a quick greeting takes the documentation she has ready for him.
He notices a license to conceal carry a pistol and he asks, "Ma'am do you have a firearm in the vehicle?"
She replies, "Well yes sir, I do." The officer smiles a little as this lady was no...
What did the scary old lady say when she found a gold cauldron?
I'm gonna be witch.
An old lady was stopped for speeding
Police officer: I'm sorry, but I think you were driving a bit too fast?
Old lady: What?! No, that can't be true!
Police officer: Can I see your drivers license?
Old lady: No, I don't have it anymore. I lost it 4 years ago when driving while drunk!
Police officer: Well.. C...
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Prisoners escape, end up at old ladies house... With a twist.
These 3 prisoners escape from jail and ran to the nearest house. They knock on a door and a sweet old lady walks out.
Lady: Hello
Prisoner 1: Lady please let us inside. PLEASE.
Prisoner 2: There are cops are outside searching for us.
Lady: Well ok, only on one condition.<...
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A little old lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three cans, but was told by the cashier: "I'm sorry, but we can't sell this to you without proof you have a cat. Too many seniors are buying cat food to eat. Management wants proof that you are buying this for your cat."
So the lady went home, brought in her cat and was sold the cat food.
The next day, she comes in and tries to buy two cans of dog food and was again told she couldn't buy them without proof.
So the lady went home, brought in her dog and was sold the dog food...
One day later, she bro...
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A police officer sees an old lady dragging two large garbage bags down the sidewalk...
He takes a closer look and sees that one of the bags has a small tear in it and $20 bills are escaping from the hole every few yards. The officer approaches the lady and asks what's in the bags. "This one's filled with $20 bills", she replies. "Where did you get all that money?", the policeman enqui...
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An old lady walks into a bank with a million dollars.
Old lady: "I'd like to make a deposit of a million dollars"
Bank assistant:, "That's a lot of money. How did you get them?"
Old lady: "I think I should speak to the managing bank director since it's such a large cash deposit."
Bank assistant: "Well considering that it is a milli...
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A man gets on an elevator with a old lady
After they ride for a few floors he leans toward her and says "Can I smell your pussy?"
She snaps "Absolutely not!"
Then the man says "Oh, it must be your feet."
An old lady went for a doctor appointment
Old lady : I seen to fart a lot, but there isn't any sound or smell, what's the problem?
Doctor after examining her: I know what the problem is, take this pill three times a day and come back one month later.
1 month later
Old lady: I don't know what you put in those pills but ...
Yesterday I went to the supermarket, had a stuffy nose when an old lady asked me:
"Are you sick?"
"No, it's just cocaine"
She looked at me and replied:
"Thank god young men"
A little old lady goes to the doctor
The doctor asks why she's there and she responds with "I've been passing gas a lot. They don't have a smell or make any sound. I've passed gas three times in this office and you didn't even notice." The doctor listens to her and tells her that he thinks he can help, then he gives her a prescription....
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How Cashier Work Money Drawer Pulls
Source: https://upjoke.com/old-lady-jokes